I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
