he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
