I wish life had little blips of pornography
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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