If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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