Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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