nutella sex= disaster
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
