so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize