Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
