Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
