Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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