brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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