so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
