Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize