..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
