No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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