i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
