i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
