I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize