so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
as a side note pls kill me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize