you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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