I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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