And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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