Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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