Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Life is so much better after having sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize