I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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