We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
