I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize