On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
