I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
