I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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