when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
