Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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