I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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