My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
