We won't sleep together?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
