New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
