My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize