I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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