Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
