How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize