Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
