I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize