Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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