I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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