I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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