I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
