but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
