if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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