My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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