Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
