omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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