I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
where does the pee come out of this thing
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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