Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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