did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
