Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
