i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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