just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
