so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
