she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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