Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
