Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
