his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
