Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
