No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
