you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
