I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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