I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
