I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
