how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
