I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
