I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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