Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
