i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
