I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
