I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
