Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
