everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
