I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Everything about him screamed your future.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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